Plug In Your Plasma!
By Stephanie Lewis
As we’re always trying to balance work time with relaxation and family time, may I invite you to check out this year’s fall line-up of new shows. They certainly look quite interesting and promise lots of family togetherness as we gather our clan around the television. You might recognize some of these new spin-offs from your old favorites.
Dancing with the Cars - Washed-up models like Cheryl Tiegs and Tyra Banks are paired up with newly washed models like Honda and Toyota to perfect the latest dance steps. Their fancy footwork is rivaled only by the fancy fender work. Everyone boogies on down arm in Armoral to famous automobile music commercials sung by the 80’s band, the Cars.
Toast Whisperer – After her honeymoon, a newly married bride hears faint voices in her head. It’s her interfering mother-in-law giving her an earful of family recipes to cook for her long-suffering mama’s boy who never has time for breakfast. The second episode is especially touching because she branches out into dinner ideas for the meat and potato loving son. That one, of course, is titled, “Pot Roast Whisperer.”
Sip & Suck – An enterprising entrepreneur who loves coffee and candy, decides to open a combination Starbucks and Tootsie Pop factory. Each week, the perfect blend of employees gets into very sticky situations.
Without a Vase - The ongoing plot centers around a husband who never brings his wife flowers…even on Valentine’s or Mother’s day, so she unloads all her vases in a garage sale. The season finale has the thoughtless hubby pulling over the side of the road to pick a few dandelions. Barbra Streisand guest stars, tearfully crooning, “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.”
Ugly Spaghetti – This carb-filled new series is written by Dr. Atkin’s. Jenny Craig traitor, Kirsty Alley seductively warns of the dangers of pasta. An interesting twist has the show sponsored by Prego and Ragu, no doubt a sadistic ploy by a saucy producer.
America’s Next Top Waddle – It’s a competition between Daffy, Donald and Daisy. The winner is crowned Ugly Duckling and will star in Disney’s next feature length film.
Are You Gonna Barter With a 5th Grader? – A mother and father plead with their smart-mouthed child to get at least a few C’s on his next report card. Each episode dramatizes what they’re willing to exchange for the young chap’s passing grades. Don’t miss the one where they trade their vacation to Denmark for a trip to Disney -- all to appease their detention bound son whose only ambition is to spell I-Pod.
Shrubs – A handsome gardener comes every other week to Wisteria lane. He edges lawns, trims the rosebushes and clips the housewives polished toenails.
How I’m In Debt to Your Mother – A father explains to his four children how he owes his entire life to their amazing Mama. Where would he be without her? Absolutely nowhere! Why, if it weren’t for her, he’d have no career, no manners, no food, no decent clothes to wear in public, and no beautifully decorated house. In one predictable scene, the children point out that he wouldn’t have them around either. “Yes, that’s right!” smirks the husband a little too happily, as a close-up of his evil smile is our cliffhanger.
Meal or No Meal – An exhausted working mother is at her wit’s end when she slaves all day over a hot oven only to have her entire family say they just ate a late lunch. Quick on her feet, the next night she brings home their favorite take-out only to hear her husband say he’s staying late at the office and the kids have all been invited to eat at a friend’s house. Keep your eye out for the next bedroom scene when he finally gets home…Feel or No Feel.
Glazed Academy – Crispy Crčme Donuts opens up a school for the buttermilk and jelly-filled challenged home-viewing audience. This is a comedy but watch for close-up shots of oozing custard that might warrant a PG-13 rating.
Cold Case – This spin-off keeps the original show’s name but branches off into a preschool where we find the many parents who send their children to school when they’re obviously sniffling and sneezing and should be kept home. The poor teacher, a sympathetic character, tries her best to engage the children in arts and crafts but their noses keep running into the Play-Doh.
These riveting plots are sure to hold us all until summer reruns!
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