As you gather together this Thanksgiving with your family, there are certainly some individuals who might make the occasion a little bit challenging. Many think that etiquette would dictate that you do not engage with people at all and you stay silent in the midst of adversity. This is not always the case.
In many instances, it's important for us to engage with our family members yet at the same time make sure we are not doing or saying anything that will cause further friction or conflict. Here are some tips to help you bake this Thanksgiving a more memorable and pleasant occasion.
The nosey person asking intimate questions.
(Turn a stupid question into a new conversation)
Ask the individuals something about themselves, a recent milestone, a vacation or any subject they enjoy talking about.
Unruly children.
(Privatize it)
Don't try to parent other people's children. Instead, privately let the parent know if the child is misbehaving. But keep your expectations low in doing something about it. Some parents just let their children behave in an unruly manner and you can't fix that. Try to redirect the child and get them to engage in doing something that will hold their interest.
Temperamental Teen does not engage well socially.
(Give them a way out)
Connect with them on a social level, give the teen an assignment to go around and interview some of the family members using their cell phone to record them. Set a goal, that they would create a video that can later be shown to the whole family to enjoy
Critical person, speaks ill of your job, weight, relationship status.
(Smile when you say it.)
Be very direct, smile and tell them “That's something I'd rather not talk about”. Then and change the subject.
The person who gets intoxicated every year.
(Don’t make it messy)
You know this is going to happen. Don't gossip and point out their shortcomings. Do what you can to help them stay safe. Steer clear of them if they get a little too handsy and put some space in between yourself when and if they do.
The person you are at odds with and seeing them for the first time since the upset.
(Use your radio voice)
It might be a good idea to pull them to the side in the early part of the gathering. In a kind tone, acknowledge the fact that you are at odds and you and express your desire to have a peaceable time during the occasion. And perhaps you can plan to get together another time to really dive in and discuss the upset.
Person talks politics and always get in an argument with others.
(Wear your patience hat)
Don't argue with them. It takes 2 to argue so don’t engage them. If they make a blanket statement, you can just let them get on their soapbox and allow their conversation to just peter out. Don’t feed the beast, starve it.
The person posted something offensive online, your first time seeing them since the post.
(Use a soft answer)
Don't engage them. If it was not about you, ignore it. If it was indirect and you are not sure if it was about you, then wait until later to have the discussion. Instead, greet them with kindness. There's a proverb that says, a soft answer turns away wrath.
The person who brings an unsavory dish and expects you to eat it.
(Exchange momentary displeasure for long term hassle)
Put a very small amount on your plate, then take an even smaller bite. Toss the rest.
You have dietary restrictions, your family ignores it and never accommodates you.
(Use the power or polite)
This is something you already know, so bring something that you would enjoy and make enough so that others can dig into it.
Unclean home.
(Some things are better left unsaid)
Arrive prepared. There's nothing wrong with packing a discrete little bag of sanitary things for yourself. Hand sanitizer, a few bleach wipes for the bathroom. Bringing a shawl or something to sit on might be a great way to get around some of those messes.
Unruly pets and person does nothing to control them.
(Put some time and space in between it)
Set your own boundaries. Scope out a space in the home less frequented by the pet. Set a boundary on your time. Limit the amount of time that you'll stay at their house.
Always invite you to stay overnight and you don’t want to.
(Say “No” gracefully)
Make sure you have plans that are rock solid. Don't give them anyway for you to make changes. For example, book and pay for a hotel room. Make plans around your stay in the area. Most importantly, simply tell them “No thank you, I’ve already made plans”
Jealous family member.
(Let Crazy. Be Crazy)
There's nothing you can do to change the way that person feels. Simply douse them with kindness.
Person with a short fuse and gets upset easily.
(Douse foolishness with wisdom)
Do a little inventory to determine what their triggers are and put forth the effort to try to avoid them. If they do get upset, simply diffuse the situation by cutting it off your conversation.
Dealing with the person who always has to “show off”.
(Be a wise fool)
For some reason, they're feeling something that's missing within themselves and we can't fix it. You’re wise enough to recognize this. So say nothing, be silent and just keep it stepping. The deficiency is their problem not yours.